Orgasming with a partner

Hey y'all!! What's the best way to guide your partner to help make you orgasm? I've had too many one night stands and fuck buddy hookups where they just don't know my body well enough yet. What's the best way to introduce what I like to them without being weird?


  • if the guy finishes first, he probably isn't going to do much for you after. so if you want your requests done, you should treat it as though he will get a reward (aka you) if he does what you want. you don't have to be explicit, but you can gently move his hand/head/whatever it is, and once he's there, you can be specific with your words. keep it sexy, keep it fun.
  • communication is key, but can obviously be awkward with a new partner, esp someone you may never see again. most people find it to be a turn on though! telling someone what you like is basically "talking dirty" without having to act. you can also ask what they like to spark the conversation. or (if it's someone you know) find an article online and pretend you just came across it like, "omg this sounds like fun!" :p  haha 
  • Hi Nina! I think you have the right idea wanting to learn how to talk to partners about pleasure. I'm glad you're not assuming that the guy doesn't want to make you orgasm, he just doesn't know how to do it and how to talk about it. So while you're hooking up, tell him what does and doesn't feel good. If he's jack hammering and you're wondering why the ef doesn't he realize that I don't like this?! It's because he doesn't know what if feels like to be jackhammered and he doesn't know that you don't like it! So just say oo slow down or let's try me on top. Ask him to put a finger on your clit or move his hand gently to it. Just remember: communication is sexy!!
  • Is the G-spot even real?
  • Hi Nina! This is a great question!  Research I've conducted and present in my book, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How To Get It (HarperCollins, 2017) show that  the orgasm gap is HUGE in hookup sex: 55% of men vs. 4% of women say they usually orgasm during first-time hookup sex! But, as your question indicates, it doesn't have to be this way. Your question also shows that you understand the fact that what every woman needs to orgasm is a bit different, because every woman's genital nerves are positioned a bit differently.  So, it takes time to get to know an individual woman's body, which is one, but certainly not the only, reason that hookup sex is less orgasmic for women than men.  Other reasons our lack of training in sexual communication, internalized slut shaming attitudes, and our cultural script that puts the focus on intercourse as sex and in so doing, devalues women's orgasms (i.e., foreplay just to get her ready, intercourse, male orgasm, "sex" over). But, it doesn't have to be this way!  Here are some tips, culled from my book: 1) As some others say above, communicate what you need.  You can do this before you even hookup, as many of my students have begun doing since reading my book and listening to my lectures.  As one example, one of my students put "I'm into orgasm equality" on her Tinder profile.  Then, she opens a conversation about what this means. She's found guys are relieved, as it takes pressure off of them to perform. It also allows her to explain she needs clitoral stimulation to orgasm (as do 95% of women; check out the stats and research in my book). Anyway, during the hookup, you can use your hand to guide his where you want it to be.  You can give brief instructions.  And, here's a cool research finding to encourage you.  While women fear it will be perceived as pushy to give instructions for what they need to orgasm, guys find it to be a turn on.  You can change the cultural script and make sure you orgasm before intercourse or after intercourse. I recently had a student tell me she told the guy she was hooking up with, "You may be done, but I'm not." Finally, you can always take matters into your own hands and touch yourself (or use a vibrator on yourself) during intercourse. It's not a lesser form of sex! Hope this helps!
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